Fashion Guru – CS

Wohhhhhh, slow down there big boy!

You really just going to breeze into your office, looking like that?

Haha. Well okay then. Don’t mind me.

No it’s not that there’s anything wrong with your appearance, per se.

Yeah. Khakis. A buttondown. A belt. Sure. Yeah. I mean… I get it.

No, no. Seriously. That’s fine. Honestly, just go to your job. It’s fine. 

Well… yeah. I mean. I do have a few ideas for how to fix… Whatever this is.

Yeah. You start with your spine. You’re gonna need that spine emphasized. No one likes a weak backbone, brother. Here. Let me paint it for you. Bright red, like a race car.

Vroom vroom. Now we’re talking. Here, let me see that forehead of yours. Jesus Christ, it’s got no attitude right now! It’s got no swastikas! People don’t give a shit about those kinds of foreheads these days. Do you want them to look at your face and just yawn at it? Jesus Christ. Let’s fix this mess, shall we?

Woah, easy there Goebbels! That’s a lot of swastikas. Maybe too many… far more than I have ever done before. But don’t worry about it. Next we get the lips and we dragggggg them down all the way down to the floor, like that. Perfect.

Oh my god you still have so much hair on your head! And not a single tuft on your neck! Nothing that can’t be fixed with some scissors and some krazy glue, fortunately. Ahhh… much, much better.

Now Chris here is going to get up on your shoulders. He’s a heavy accessory, but a silent one. Oh yes, he knows his place. Don’t you, Chris? That’s a good man.

Okay then, lads. Off you go to your big meeting! Dicks out, please! That’s right, just wave them in the air like a lasso in a rodeo, like I’m doing now. You’ve got it! Go get ‘em!


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