I say, what a wonderful day for a bicycle ride! The sun shines warmly, the birds chirp prettily in a gentle breeze, and there’s nary a shirtless homosexual to distract us from our merriment. Mother spring surely smiles upon us this afternoon, wouldn’t you say old chum? I do love bicycling, such a relaxing yet vigorous manner to get the heart pumping and the blood flowing, to everywhere except my flaccid penis, of course!
Well, I can feel the exertion already, my my. This will prove apt preparation for the bouts of lovemaking I shall endure with my lovely beau later this evening, although of course I’ll be all but entirely clothed and in the dark for that – I am a Christian, after all! What path ought we take? There’s that interesting looking meander down by the pond, twixt that grassy hill and base-ball field. But doesn’t that other one seem more appealing? That dirt path there, that runs down astride the thicket beside the men’s gymnasium? Yes I see that “no bicycles allowed” sign – never fear, merely city bureaucracy.
Besides, what good’s a bicycle trip if no rules are broken, old chum? Except the sacred ordinances of appropriate sexual conduct, which of course must never be violated. Down this hill we go, what a thrill indeed! Such a jolt of energy, quite like looking down upon a grand precipice or rushing through the steam room lockers lest the smooth musculature of a younger man draw your eye and lure you to sin, most abhorrent sin. What’s that you say? Oh yes I see, what a lovely game of badminton those fine ladies are enjoying! Such wonderful sport indeed. Oh yes, I see those gentlemen beside them I suppose; they are adept at badminton too. Let’s just keep bicycling, shall we? Well, maybe now would be a good spot for a rest, after all.
The scenery here is so fair: luscious rolling hills, sculpted forests, glimmering beads of water dripping of his pectorals. Pardon? Oh, I just said glimmering beads of water. Never mind, shall we continue? Race you to the other side of this low valley, what do you say old chum? Ha ha, off we go! Huzzah, the wind whipping at my face makes me feel like a young lad again back in grammar school! Oh dear, oh my – you’ve fallen!
Let me assist you. Where does the pain strike? You lower ankle? We’ll have to get those pants right off. No no, old chum, trust me, I was a medic in the great war after all. Oh good, some burly men from the gymnasium have come to offer assistance. Let’s all hoist him up upon our bare shoulders, gentlemen! That’s it! Well what a thrilling day this has turned out to be after all! A marvellous day for bicycling indeed!