Excessively Polite Ways to Annoy People- CS

– Go “bless you” after they cough.

– Make it very clear that you aren’t accusing them of making a bad smell, but just in case you are going to wait outside for a few minutes. To save all parties embarrassment. Do this every time somebody goes to the bathroom and when others fail to do the same tell them that you forgive them.

– Apologize to the person you are talking to whenever you say a contraction. (e.g. “I’m going… I mean I am going. So sorry about that, Phil.”)

– Flatly refuse to argue with anyone about any topic, no matter how trivial the topic or lighthearted the argument.

– When you’re reading a book out loud replace all unpleasant thoughts with one very polite insult, so that you don’t upset one of your listeners. “ ‘Oh… go eat a fig!’, Brett thought aloud. ‘Oh, go eat a fig!’ Mary replied.” etc, etc.

– Look away when your girlfriend tries to speak to you, out of respect.

– Ask strangers if you can borrow their coats to give them to other strangers.

CS

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