The year is 2015 and after a surprise tech power-move by the Turks (that NOBODY saw coming) humans have gained the ability to time travel. The break-down of initial users are as follows: 10% scientists, 5% historians, 3% morally bankrupt pranksters who want to permanently spook ancient children with megaphones, and 82% Game of Thrones fans itching to get back into the middle-ages.
Little do most of these swords n’ sorcery aficionados know that sometimes the early medieval world isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.
Time-Traveler: Oh boy, oh boy: awesome knights, seas of pointless boobs, and unlimited feasting here I come!
(machine kicks into actions and time-traveler is deposited face-first into a seemingly endless rural expanse. It is drizzling.)
Time-Traveler: Cool. The English countryside! Nothing wrong with that. And I’m sure there’s a castle or city around here somewhere! Should my first stop be a feasting hall, or an awesome brothel with a sly but lovable pimp?
(time-traveler walks for 12 hours straight without sighting anything other than sparsely wooded fields, bogs, and a couple of badgers who appear to be afflicted by a non lethal plague. Finally he comes across a pair of serfs crouched, nibbling on a sack of meal.)
Time-Traveler: Oh, thank heavens. I’m so incredibly hungry. Would you mind.. wait! Oh my God! What is that smell? Is that you? Never…never mind. Please excuse me, I haven’t introduced myself properly. I am Craig son of Rudy, of the house Cooper!
(one of the serfs farts)
Serf #1: Oop! Ic feortan!
Serf #2: Hit stenc!
(Serfs bludgeon time-traveler to death with their quarterstaffs and give his clothes to a local Thane who has slept with both their wives. Soon thereafter both they and the Thane die from dysentery.)