New “Alternative Alternative” Newspaper Launched on Campus – Story Ponvert

Reports are in of a new student news organization on campus, designed to provide a fresh outlook on student life and to serve as a forum for discourse that otherwise wouldn’t be taking place. Calling itself the “Williams Alternative Alternative,” the new group seems conceived in opposition to the current ubiquitous news source on campus, the Williams Alternative. Given the Alternative’s monopoly on revealing investigative journalism, biting satire, and thoughtful op-eds, the WAA is taking a different approach. “It all started when two friends and I were talking about issues on campus and realized that there’s a real lack of trite, surface-level journalism at Williams,” says Bryce Chandler, the WAA’s co-founder and editor-in-chief. “When the campus gets riled over important issues like racism and sexual assault, there’s no place to turn to for simple, self-affirming coverage written by people who don’t care about it very much in the first place. We also figured that if something seemed especially divisive or complicated, we could just choose to not cover it at all, and complacent readers would be assured that there’s nothing to worry about.”

The WAA seems poised for success, with articles already being written on such topics as the softest Williams sweatshirt available, the tallest JA co-pair, and whether President Adam Falk’s new belt is made from real leather or fake. “I think the most important thing here is that we’re giving Williams students what they want,” says Lucy Meadows, the WAA’s Opinions Editor. “I mean, look around you—clearly a campus as disconnected from the real world as Williams is ready for all the hackneyed reporting and vapid opinion pieces we can bring. The Alternative Alternative is truly a news organization for the people—in the most embarrassing, lowest-common-denominator sense of the phrase.” 

The Williams Alternative Alternative plans to start publishing as soon as they track down Robert Volpi, director of Dining Services, for a quote about the new soup ladles in Paresky, which many students have noticed are worrisomely smaller than last year’s.

Ed. note: At press time, a new report came in that the WAA was considering changing its name to the “Williams Record.”

3 thoughts on “New “Alternative Alternative” Newspaper Launched on Campus – Story Ponvert

  1. “When the campus gets riled over important issues like racism and sexual assault, there’s no place to turn to for simple, self-affirming coverage written by people who don’t care about it very much in the first place. We also figured that if something seemed especially divisive or complicated, we could just choose to not cover it at all, and complacent readers would be assured that there’s nothing to worry about.”

    What about the above-mentioned issues has the Record not been covering? Does the Record really ignore divisive and complicated issues? Why do students get mad at the Record’s coverage of certain events if they’re all one-dimensional puff pieces, as you (satirically, but not really) claim? If the only example you can think of is who “really did” the 2012 hate crime, get out of here. [Edit: it looks like Story Ponvert is an actual first-year, not just a shitty pseudonym as I had assumed. Glad you feel able to characterize the Record after being here for 1.5 months. Keep up the confidence and you’ll go far.]

    The only funny thing about this piece is the bit about the Alternative being campus’s “ubiquitous news source”. Please. Establish some journalistic standards first, then try to become a news source worth reading.

    • Unclear to me why you’re so emotionally invested in this piece, but this is hilarious. Step away from your computer, take a deep breath, and relax. And making douchey comments mocking people’s names just because someone wrote a clever article article at the (light) expense of your newspaper ? Seriously?

      This campus is in dire need of a sense of humor.

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