German Students Claim Hamburgers are Cultural Appropriation – Jonny Gonzalez


The unlikely culprit of a recent cultural appropriation scandal in our dining halls.

WHITMAN’S DINING HALL – Recently, several students have stepped forward claiming that they take offense at the college’s decision to feature hamburgers as a regular meal option in its dining halls. These students of various German backgrounds consider the appropriation of the food item culturally insensitive and a flagrant mockery of their heritage. “It just sickens me to see hamburgers on the menu almost every day. I bet most of the people who eat them have never even been to Hamburg,” claimed one particularly angry student who has chosen to remain anonymous. Upon further investigation, this reporter discovered that the student in question isn’t even from Hamburg. When confronted, the student responded, “Well, Lauenberg is a suburb. It’s only an hour away. I visited Hamburg a lot growing up, though.”

The administration has yet to respond to the students’ demands to remove the ersatz American classic from dining hall menus. “We have enough to worry about with people claiming that Taco Tuesdays is cultural appropriation, we don’t have time for this as well,” said Dean Bolton, in her most recent campus-wide email. Should the administration give into these demands, what other dishes will we see stricken from menus? Will gelato soon have no home in our dining halls? What about Swedish meatballs or shawarma? The recent uproar may trigger a domino effect, with menu items being tossed out the door in bulk, putting a serious strain on what dining halls are allowed to serve.

How fine is the line we walk between cultural assimilation and cultural appropriation? One student activist had this to say on the matter: “The real problem with this school is that you can find cultural appropriation everywhere. You just have to look hard enough. Sometimes even force it to be there. But it’s there. Trust me.”


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