This year saw one of the College’s most beloved traditions take a fatal blow by the powers-that-be. Citing damage to the ice from salt and dirt from students’ shoes, the administration decided that Broomball as we know it shall be no more. In its place is a sad attempt to capture the magic that Broomball originally provided. Replace the ice rink with a basketball court, the slipping and falling with awkward shuffling around in socks, and most importantly, the fun with sadness and sorrow. The best part of Broomball used to be the actual game; now the only highlight is the pregame (a lot like First Fridays, actually).
In the aftermath of this drastic change, the College has issued a statement about future changes to classic traditions so as not to catch students off guard and to get the whiny statuses out of the way now rather than later. Here’s a summary of the proposed changes:
- Mountain Day to become Mission Hill Day – Last semester’s Mountain Day caused too much damage to the trails due to enormous foot traffic. In response, buses will now pick students up from Mission, drive to Mount Greylock so they can see what they’re missing out on, and return them to Poker. This ensures that most students will end up walking up Mission Hill allowing for the “full Mountain Day Experience.”
- Hundred Days changed to Two Days – This is so that Hundred Days and Last Chance take place on the same day and the College doesn’t have to waste money on three parties that you’ll inevitably leave early anyway.
- Homecoming moved to an Away Game – The College will now just live-stream the game to Towne Field House so students and alumni can at least be warm while they drunkenly watch the football team lose miserably.
- First Fridays bumped to Third Thursdays – This one was not accompanied with a thorough explanation though rumors amidst Hopkins Hall say that President Falk originally proposed this “for the lolz”.
- Winter Study will become just Study – Vice President of Student Life Steve Klass felt that there was too much fun going on during such a depressing time of the year. As such, everyone will now sign up for four “pre-classes” to prepare for the Spring Semester. New Broomball will still be offered.